Friday, September 29, 2006


Plans for U.C. Berkeley Memorial Stadium Upgrade Threatened

Well I suppose it comes with little supprise the City Council of Berkeley has threatened to retain outside council and derail the Stadium Master Plan. They may succeed and in so doing doom the Cal football program. This is a continual case of “bitting the hand that feeds you.”

I suggest you email these old, tired out of date councilmember’s and let them know how you feel. They love the spotlight and media attention. They will therefore never give up on this issue. The more contentious it becomes the more they like it. If they had their way the U.C. would never be allowed to expand.

Mayor Bates:
District 1:Linda Maio
District 2:Darryl Moore
District 3:Maxwell Anderson
District 4:Dona Spring
District 5:Laurie Capitelli
District 6:Betty Olds
District 7:
Kriss Worthington

(Kriss was only member to abstain in the 8-1 vote to stop the U.C. plans)
District 8:Gordon Wozniak

Sunday, September 24, 2006


Marshawn and company looked, well, breathtaking against ASU. I was one of the negative people who thought this was going to be a tough game. Man, what the hell is going on here? We are kicking everyone’s ass. Like Desmond Bishop said, 8 times out of 10 we come away victorious in Tennessee, and I really believe him now!




Well let me just begin by sending a special thank you to the gentleman in charge of the Cal Football News Blog. He was kind enough to give, and I mean give, me his tickets v ASU because of the whole fam thing interfering.

They were looking for me all right! Fastest man alive to never get a ticket!

Now, having said that, the drive down to Berkeley from Sacramento was for the most part pleasant, but there were a few moments that were a pain in the ass, like when the CHP would cruise by and traffic would then slow to a crawl. Other than that, it was great! Oh, yeah, spend some serious cash on I-80, needs major improvement!

The game itself, well, that was another matter. Since I was given these GA tickets, I pretty much roamed from section to section until I found an appropriate area to observe the events of the field. I found a section in the Blue Zone so empty that I was able to stretch out, it was great.

While all Cal fans are great and I love them very much, I am a personal space guy. Thankfully, I found a spot where I could stretch and just feel great about what I was seeing. I almost wanted to cry! Unlike this spot!

Nate the Bear was great for his third consecutive week. Is it not nice to not worry about who will head the helm at QB in Berkeley? Things are so much happier in life these days!

The offense pretty much clicked on all cylinders today. Nate played extremely well for the thirdweek in a row. Marshawn appears to have shaken off all ill effects from the ankle sprain he suffered against Tennessee. All wide receivers made spectacular plays. There were however, on at least two occasions, instances in which a tide end dropped a pass. Out of respect for the team, I will not name names, but you know who you are. Practice harder or go play for Stanfurd, it is really that simple.

Yeah, run Sam out of town, this is what you get. I would call you a different name but I am trying to go mainstream!

The defense, man, the defense! Great job guys! I keyed in with the binocs on Syd but he performed rather well as well! Ha, what a concept. The hitting was intense as every Bear defender put a hat on somebody out there. The wonderful interceptions were like early Christmas presents topped of with a great stocking gift, the TD’s!
Damien, or Dante, as they say he likes to be called, played great. If we are to go anywhere we will need him more than every against Oregon.

Special Teams, they were spectacular. This Andrew Larson kid is definite NFL pedigree. How lucky we were to snag him, he is arguably better than David Lonnie. He seems to have a special penchant for getting the ball right were it needs to be, even with a fast rush closing in. Desean, well, you are the man. I have to admit that when that guy cheap shotted you, I was furious. However, being as I had driven from Sacramento I had no intention of spending the night in the Alameda County Jail, so I let it alone, for now. I really believe that deserves review and a definite two game minimum suspension. Deseasn could have been paralyzed with a hit like that!
Look at the murder in this foos eyes. They tried to kill Desean. I am disgusted by the lack of retribution. I plan to personally petition the Pac 10 commissioner to see some fucking sanctions imposed!

Well I know I have stated in the past that come this game we would finally be able to better evaluate the level of play. However, after watching the game it looked no different than Minnesota or Portland State. The only difference being in the number of blue chippers and the fact it was Pac 10 play against a top 25 team. The results were the same, CALIFORNIA kicked their collective asses, and did so impressively. Relax coach, but only for tonight. We have much to accomplish and you are our Captain.

The only concern I have going into the Oregon game is this; can this all be too good to be true? I mean think about it guys, we really committed butchery today out there. We chopped their heads off!

We will make USC pay, once and for all. Look at the crap they make. It shows one thing though, fear. USC really does fear us, and I would think, they should!

At face value we appear to be a true USC contender, alas! If we beat Oregon, I have a friend who lives in LA. He has a decent but modest apartment. I figure we can smash about 15 to 20 people in there somewhere or another. So, if you are poor and want to go to the game, start making plans with me after the Oregon game!



Dirk buddy, I hate to say I told you so, but I did. You should have known better than to come into our house and try and play smash mouth football. You will personally be hearing from me following your failure to bench the thug who mauled Desean! I have AZ contacts, please believe me when I tell you that I do!


Friday, September 22, 2006

PORTLAND ST. WRAPUP Nate the snake looked great. Though perhaps snake is not the best description, I would be willing to settle for a bear though.
Game was fun but all a BEAR blur...
CALIFORNIA 42 - PORTLAND ST. 16 (I think? Is this Minnesota?)

Well I am sure that what few readers I have may have wondered, “what the hell happened to this guy?” Or perhaps on a more sinister note, you wished I were dead. In any event I am not dead, still here, still ticking. The delay can be attributed to the newfound world of bars, and, I dated a couple of girls.

These events taught me two lessons: That bars are no place for sobering up alcoholics. Secondly, that none of the girls to date that I have dated match up to Maria. These are sad, but true facts. Now what does this have to do with the Bears you might ask, sadly, absolutely nothing.

Here is my abridged and sparse version of events of that Saturday blue v. Portland State.

Game started. Cal came out and kicked ass. P St. never really had a chance. Cal kicked ass by middle of second Q. All backups for Cal by 3rd Q. Score, 42-16. Some mistakes to work on. Game over.

Ah, see, they should send that out over a text message, it is so simple and to the point.


Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Arizona’s Attorney General, Terry Goddard, has threatened to charge the Bears with capital murder charges.

The Attorney General of the State of Arizona, Tom Goddard, took the unusual steps today of filing capital murder charges against the California Golden Bears football team. This before the alleged attack has even taken place.

The anger still resonates amongst local Arizonan's. Jimmy Castro, a retired Arizona rancher lost a son in Berkeley last year. "We gonna (sp) make them sums (sp) ah bitches pay!"

California Attorney General Bill Lockyer vowed to commit all resources available to him to defend the Bears.

In other news relating to the case, California Attorney General Bill Lockyer said any attempts to charge the Bears would prove fruitless.

“This game is in California this year, and I would be dead before I would allow any extradition of this Bear team."

He went on to ad, "The Bears are a great asset to our state, the Governor and I, and I believe the Californian people, stand firmly behind them. Not only in the football arena, but the legal arena as well!”

Governor SCHWARZENEGGER was spotted flying into Oakland earlier this afternoon. He apparently wanted to meet personally with both Coach Tedford and Sandy Barbour to ensure them the charges are bogus, and not recognized by the State of California.

Governor Swarzenegger threatened to pardon the team outright, along with the coaching staff. Such a move would be unprecedented. Many liberal pundits cite it as a gimmick to attract the liberal vote.

Meanwhile rumors are abound that the California team will take no prisoners so at to leave no witnesses in potential future legal proceedings.



Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Attention Cal Alumni
Attention Friends of Cal
Make Your Donations Now!

"Everyone needs to make their donations to ensure this wonderful University remains the number one public institution in this great nation of ours!"

Monday, September 11, 2006

Nate Longshore and the Cal offense looked spectacular against the overmatched Minnesota. We may yet find a solution to the QB quandary this year.



Well, to be honest, let me just start by saying great job Bears! What a solid performance if I have ever seen one. The truth is I feel a little bit like an ass this week. In hindsight it makes perfect sense that Coach Tedford stuck with Nate all along. I mean Jesus, he looked like Joe Montana out there at times. This is what Cal football is supposed to be all about! He had a great all around game with key support from his receivers.

Both Marshawn Lynch and Justin Forsett had terrific afternoons. Marshawn rushed for 139 yards on 27 carries and had two touchdowns. His ankle, which he injured against Tennessee, appears healed.

The running game was phenomenal. The tandem of Marshawn Lynch and Justin Forsett appears to be just as good, if not better, than was advertised. Whatever in the hell went so terribly wrong in Tennessee appears to be worked out. This team was out there playing with authority, with intensity, with passion. I just did not see that in Tennessee.

The Cal defense came through big and had its way with Minnesota all day. This poor Gopher never had a chance.

The other key issue to look at is the defense. We had all been led to believe in the preseason that this was a defense that could hang with any team in the country, and Saturday they looked every bit the part. They stuffed Minnesota left and right. They hurt them. If you looked into the eyes of the Minnesota running back, the big guy that used to be a linebacker, I really do not feel that he even wanted the ball in the second half. I think they were hitting him really hard and it really showed. That is the way this defense is supposed to play.

Now, in light of all this, the one thing that we cannot afford to do is get overconfident. Too many times Cal has played great, only to go out and have a setback. So I am trying to remain positive and not read too much into this victory, yet. I think we will get a real feel for this team when they open up conference play at Memorial in a couple of weeks.

Coach Tedford, and not myself, is an expert.
Another thing – I am clearly no expert, not like Coach Tedford. Coach, I am sorry for the whole election thing. This team clearly runs much better as a dictatorship. I got your back man, I got your back!



I am a very sad and pathetic man these days. Note the unkempt beard and disheveled hair. I also have not brushed my teeth or showered in days.

I would love to give a more in-depth analysis of the post mortem, but your beleaguered editor is not doing very well. I recently had the misfortune of going to lunch with an old girlfriend. When the arrangements were made it seemed like a harmless enough thing to do. Well, I got news for you, it really, really, was not. In fact, it was an incredibly stupid idea.

I had no idea the encounter would make me feel the way I did. Those feelings, the ones that tell me I love this girl, and now I cannot have her, have made me quite nauseas the past few days, hence the delay in coverage. As a result even the most satisfying things in life, like working on my blog or even watching a Cal football game have lost some of their collective luster.

Since the real Maria would probably never talk to me again if I posted her actual photo on here, I have found this fictionalized one to stand in for her. The likeness of the two is almost eerily unsettling, till you realize there both hot!

I tell myself I must be mad, for it was I who told her that I no longer wanted to be with her. Hell, I practically had to beg the girl to leave me alone. She would blow up my phone, and implore me to come back to her, and, tell me how much she loved me. So you know I figured I would go have lunch, no big deal really, just lunch.

Well, it was a little like the Tennessee game in that I am not sure what the hell happened. One thing that I am sure of, I have very deep feelings for this girl, still, I clearly am in love. She, however, has made it clear that she has moved on and would only like to be friends. Ah, the dreaded friend relationship. FRIENDS? What the hell am I supposed to do with that? I already have friends, and I do not need her as one!

Doesn't she know what an affect she is having on me and my ability to provide the best Cal football blog in the world to the world? No, probably not. She never really understood football, but she always let me watch it and never complained. Just a great, great, girl, a girl that was mine! All mine! Completely faithful!

Again, the resemblance is striking, all the way down to the suit. Maybe now you understand a little better why I am in such pain. Moreover, why I was such a stupid idiot as to dump her in the first place! STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!

You know, maybe that is why I got tired of her and ditched her like a bad habit; she was just too nice and good to me. That niceness is now gone, replaced with cordiality, that cold, cold, demeanor. This realization, that she will not be with me, makes the world seem all the colder, and the Cal victory all the less special. Though, I must say, had Cal lost this would probably have been one of the worst weeks of my life.

I will do my best to not let Oski and the Cal faithful down. I have a steep order, please bear with me.

Cal deserves better, a lot better, and I will strive to overcome this and bring you a great blog. As it stands now, I am desperately trying to find the things that will make me get out of bed in the morning. Only one comes to mind, CAL FOOTBALL!


Saturday, September 09, 2006


Ok, we won. We won convincingly. That was a great game, it made me very happy. I have more to say than many could possible begin to comprehend. In the meantime though, I am going to breath a sigh of relief and happiness.




Friday, September 08, 2006

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Governor Tedford announced to state media that elections would be canceled by way of executive order. Military preparedness was immediately lowered to DEFCON 3. DEFCON 3 was not ordered until 10/08/05 in the previous campaign. After being at DEFCOM 5, many military commanders fear DEFCOM 1 may be necessary for the first time since 11/12/05.



Governor Tedford announced today that he would suspended elections for QB of Cal and would instead appoint Nate Longshore. The executive order prompted resistance from some of the more liberal and democratic leaning elements within the Territory. With the official announcement, Governor Tedford has effectively ended the Territories gradual move towards partial democracy.

Voters turned out in large numbers for campaign 2006. Their votes effectively never happened with the announcement by Governor Tedford that elections were suspended.

The people of the Territory had turned out in surprisingly large numbers to vote. Early returns put senior Steve Levy as the clear favorite of the people. However, this is not the first time the military junta has rebuked the will of the people.

Many observers believe the Governor disregarded the will of the people because it was held within the inner circles of Strawberry Canyon that the move would not spark the sort of riots witnessed last year. Those protests eventually led the leadership of Strawberry Canyon to install Steve Levy.

Residents of Bear Territory had mixed feelings, highlighting the fact that this is an extremely contentious issue that could eventually threaten the government. Said one resident, who along with all residents requested to remain anonymous, “Governor Tedford saved our Territory from destruction, he knows what’s best.

Reports from confidential sources say Oski was visibly shaken after learning the Governor had suspended elections. He learned the news while reading left wing publication Cal Golden Bears.

Others though held a different sentiment, “Governor Tedford has consistently gone against the will of the people. While it may have once been held that this was best for the Territory, that feeling began to disappear during the 2005 campaign. Residents are in fear of collapse of the whole Territory because of the QB issue.”

The effects from the strategic blunder in Tennessee have reverberated throughout the Territory. The fallout from Tennessee had figured to weigh heavily in balloting.

Indeed fear within the Territory has been rising since the Bears were defeated soundly by a mere Volunteer army from Tennessee. “This was supposed to be the year of expanded military expeditions and colonialism in which we made our foray into the south. Not only were we defeated, many good Bears were massacred in the Battle of Neyland. As a result I would say our defensive capabilities in the Pac 10 have been compromised,” said one military commander who wished to remain anonymous.

Whether or not that is true remains to be seen. One thing for sure, however, is that with the announcement of Governor Tedford’s suspension of elections many residents feel their voices are not being heard. As said by one resident, “it is amazing that in places like Iraq and Afghanistan you see the wonderful miracle of democracy taking hold. In the territory, shoot, you see revolutionaries like Seth pushing for reform but our votes are ultimately worthless. The military and the Governor hold ultimate authority, always, period!”

Soccer moms figured to make up a large block of the electorate for the first time in history. With the announcement of government crackdowns, their voices, allong with everyones, go unheard.

Perhaps though, the ones that have it the hardest are the ones who rarely speak up, as one single mother was particularly alarmed. “What is going to happen the next time UCLA or USC comes into Memorial. I have children to worry about; I believe QB Levy can better defend the homeland against these nefarious threats. Regardless of his moral character we need leaders who can defend the homeland.”

Governor Tedford meanwhile promised he knew what was best. Political pundits say that remains to be seen. A misadventure 2,500 miles away from home soil is one thing, a defeat on native soil could finally force democratic reform.

Recent satellite imagery shows a heavy buildup of military forces in Minnesota pointed west. The Territory is believed to be ill equipped to repel an attack at this time. Though one high ranking official who spoke on the condition of anonymity because he is not allowed to discuss military issues with the press, says the Territory is more than ready to meet force with force, and, defeat Minnesota if need be. He added that the Governor had just appointed a QB to lead the potential operation.



Tuesday, September 05, 2006



While many Tennessee fans were incredibly friendly, one was not. The real psychopath is this fellow from Tennessee who goes by the name of Volfanatic. I believe his real name to be Steve. He hates me and the Bears. Well, the picture sums up what I believe will happen to all Tennessee fans when they come to Berkeley next year. All of this text is a link to his site, click it and see why he is so insane.

The early results of the 2006 candidacy for QB of Bear Territory has all the usual suspects. The incumbent senior from a year ago, Steve Levy, is the clear frontrunner at this point; he currently enjoys 55% of the popular vote. He is followed, not so closely, by senior Joe Ayoob and sophomore Nate Longshore.

The contentious campaign has left many tired, and just wanting it to end. Many observors say the campaign has just begun. Most residents, who all wished to remain anonymous, say the issues have transcended the entire Territory of Bears.

“After the Nation of Orange attacked, the people were shaken, they didn’t know who should lead our forces,” said one citizen.

The Territories recent military forays with super powers have resulted in heavy casualties. The Administration continues to maintain that they are all in Territorial interests. Many foreign observers feel it may be time for regime change in Berkeley at the QB position again.

“When our Territory was caught off guard by the attacks perpetrated at the hands of the super power bully Orange Nation, many wondered how long our territorial integrity in the Pac 10 could be maintained. People have definitely become a lot more aware about the elections,” said another resident.

What remains to be seen is whether the appointed Governor of the Territory, Jeff Tedford, will heed the calls for popular democratic reform. Many political pundits have already come to a consensus that the Governor feels he is not answerable to the people, and will therefore nullify the election results.

The move would not be without precedent. Unlike the alliances in the SEC conference and others, few West Coast Governors ever regard the will of the people.

A professor of Political Science at UC Berkeley who wished to remain anonymous sought to shed light on the situation: “You see, a lot of West Coast Governors have the full support of the Federal Administration. Whereas in many other conferences outside the Alliance of Ten democratic reforms have been enjoyed.”

Ceremonial leader Oski wants to hear your voice in 2006

He does concede that not all of the popular revolutions in the south have been successful. “To be honest, the results have been mixed. In some cases, decent Governors have been brutally overthrown by radicals. Many feel that the West Coach approach is much better suited to ensure the continuity of government, albeit not democratically.”

At this point, it is still unknown if Governor Tedford will accept the election results. Last year Governor Tedford continually invoked executive authority, effectively invalidating election results. After seditious unrest occurred at the battle of USC, he appointed popular leftist Steve Levy in the campaign to conquer Stanfurd.

When Governor Tedford instituted democratic reforms before the Stanfurd assault in 2005, he was widely hailed as a hero of the people.

Levy commanded a Territorial Bear Expeditionary Force into hostile Palo Alto. TBEF forces defeated Stanfurd, and retained possession of the Axe and reaffirmed Bear sovereignty.

In the Territories latest military incursion, Bear forces led by QB Nate Longshore invaded the Nation of Orange. The mighty Bear military machine was decimated by the end of the half.
QB Joe Ayoob replaced QB Longshore and led a dignified Bear retreat.

However, the Governor of Tennessee, Phillip Fulmar, in an act of mercy, called off the offensive bombardment of Territorial forces. He later said that had the invading Bears been a strategic threat similar to The Nation of Florida, he would have executed all the combatants.

The political appointment of Aaron Rodgers by Governor Tedford instead of senior Reggie Robertson stired no controvery in 2003. Political observers say that is because he won.

The Governor is expected to appoint another QB sometime this week. In California, the Governor enjoys broad authority. His say is final, and not subject to recourse. With the latest foreign debacle in which heavy casualties were sustained, many southern observers wonder how long the Governor can go against the will of the people. Many people optimistically hope the Governor will be more open to the idea of reform in 2006.
To exercise your voting rights as citizens of the Territory of Bear please vote now.

Monday, September 04, 2006

this is an audio post - click to play
Anticipation had never been higher than when Jeff Tedford re-signed with Cal.
Anticipation is a funny little word. It hangs with friends called: Expectation, Expectancy, Hope, and a guy named Eagerness. All of Anticipation’s friends were on hand for the sellout crowd at Neyland Stadium when then (and current until tomorrow) number nine Cal came to town to play number (not soon to be) 23 Tennessee.

Anticipation played the cool Joe when he showed up, but things soon got out of hand.

Anticipation’s twin brother was here in California with me during the game. He brought many cool people with him. Eagerness just would not shut up. Finally when the game kicked off they all started to calm down.

They were a sad bunch.

Midway through the fist quarter, they all started to get restless. Expectancy seemed the most unsettled of the bunch. In fact, at one point Anticipation and Eagerness had to calm her down. She just could not wait for Cal to tear apart this rebuilt Tennessee defense.

Well to make a long story significantly shorter, I must say, spending the afternoon watching the game with this bunch was no fun at all. At the end of the day, they had all pretty much passed out from too much booze and other substances.

They even made me a little sick.

After the game was over and all was silent, I looked at the bunch; they really were a sorry sight. They had been my best friends since early last year and now it seemed like they were all just a bunch of jerks. I became angry with them, what were they all doing passed out at a time like this? I finally decided it was time for them to leave.

I allowed Hope to stay. I even let her sleep in my bed. I just cannot imagine life without her. She somehow managed to keep a positive attitude after the game. I consoled her as best I could.

Well as it was late and they were all wasted, it was near impossible to rouse them. One of the group finally woke up, Expectation. “I’m so sorry Seth. I never expected things to go this way,” he said.

“Ah forget about it, it could have been worse right? I mean the BCS computers won't know how bad it really was, right?” I chirped in.

“How the hell should I know, I'm wasted dude,” he said, “ask somebody who gives a fuck.”

Expectation was done.

And with that he fell back asleep. When I woke in the morning they were all gone. Everyone that is, except Hope.

Nate Longshore will really have to improve, and quickly, if Cal is to have any hopes of beating Minnesota. He looked hurried and shaky in his true debut for Cal. His mobility or lack thereof was glaringly evident in the loss to Tennessee.


With Levy now officially out of the running to start this week, this man too, Joe Ayoob, will need to really step up. He looked promising for brief moments against Tennessee, much like he did last year. However, he was still very rickety and missed many open receivers. His mobility may give him the needed edge to beat out Longshore.

Coach Tedford must really not like Steve Levy. If the guy threw a shot glass at someone’s head there is an excellent chance he is a jerk. However, given the situation in Strawberry Canyon this is no time to get moralistic. Steve Levy may in fact be our last best hope.
For now though he will have to wait. He is currently the clear favorite of the people in my
Contra Costa Times Poll. Coming in second is Joe Ayoob, followed closely by Longshore.

Do not be fooled by the Gopher. He is vicious, vindictive, bitter and, a pain in the ass. One would think that a Bear would kill any Gopher. However, after the Volunteers tagged and killed all the Bears anything is possible. In depth game coverage coming up!