Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The early results of the 2006 candidacy for QB of Bear Territory has all the usual suspects. The incumbent senior from a year ago, Steve Levy, is the clear frontrunner at this point; he currently enjoys 55% of the popular vote. He is followed, not so closely, by senior Joe Ayoob and sophomore Nate Longshore.

The contentious campaign has left many tired, and just wanting it to end. Many observors say the campaign has just begun. Most residents, who all wished to remain anonymous, say the issues have transcended the entire Territory of Bears.

“After the Nation of Orange attacked, the people were shaken, they didn’t know who should lead our forces,” said one citizen.

The Territories recent military forays with super powers have resulted in heavy casualties. The Administration continues to maintain that they are all in Territorial interests. Many foreign observers feel it may be time for regime change in Berkeley at the QB position again.

“When our Territory was caught off guard by the attacks perpetrated at the hands of the super power bully Orange Nation, many wondered how long our territorial integrity in the Pac 10 could be maintained. People have definitely become a lot more aware about the elections,” said another resident.

What remains to be seen is whether the appointed Governor of the Territory, Jeff Tedford, will heed the calls for popular democratic reform. Many political pundits have already come to a consensus that the Governor feels he is not answerable to the people, and will therefore nullify the election results.

The move would not be without precedent. Unlike the alliances in the SEC conference and others, few West Coast Governors ever regard the will of the people.

A professor of Political Science at UC Berkeley who wished to remain anonymous sought to shed light on the situation: “You see, a lot of West Coast Governors have the full support of the Federal Administration. Whereas in many other conferences outside the Alliance of Ten democratic reforms have been enjoyed.”

Ceremonial leader Oski wants to hear your voice in 2006

He does concede that not all of the popular revolutions in the south have been successful. “To be honest, the results have been mixed. In some cases, decent Governors have been brutally overthrown by radicals. Many feel that the West Coach approach is much better suited to ensure the continuity of government, albeit not democratically.”

At this point, it is still unknown if Governor Tedford will accept the election results. Last year Governor Tedford continually invoked executive authority, effectively invalidating election results. After seditious unrest occurred at the battle of USC, he appointed popular leftist Steve Levy in the campaign to conquer Stanfurd.

When Governor Tedford instituted democratic reforms before the Stanfurd assault in 2005, he was widely hailed as a hero of the people.

Levy commanded a Territorial Bear Expeditionary Force into hostile Palo Alto. TBEF forces defeated Stanfurd, and retained possession of the Axe and reaffirmed Bear sovereignty.

In the Territories latest military incursion, Bear forces led by QB Nate Longshore invaded the Nation of Orange. The mighty Bear military machine was decimated by the end of the half.
QB Joe Ayoob replaced QB Longshore and led a dignified Bear retreat.

However, the Governor of Tennessee, Phillip Fulmar, in an act of mercy, called off the offensive bombardment of Territorial forces. He later said that had the invading Bears been a strategic threat similar to The Nation of Florida, he would have executed all the combatants.

The political appointment of Aaron Rodgers by Governor Tedford instead of senior Reggie Robertson stired no controvery in 2003. Political observers say that is because he won.

The Governor is expected to appoint another QB sometime this week. In California, the Governor enjoys broad authority. His say is final, and not subject to recourse. With the latest foreign debacle in which heavy casualties were sustained, many southern observers wonder how long the Governor can go against the will of the people. Many people optimistically hope the Governor will be more open to the idea of reform in 2006.
To exercise your voting rights as citizens of the Territory of Bear please vote now.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is a sound analysis of the situation. Bravo.

Steve said...

PATHETIC, LOSER, DEGENERATE, IDIOT, NO GOOD FREE LOADING SON OF A BITCH, ASSHOLE, RETARD, BEARS SUCK!!!

Steve said...

THE BEARS ARE A FREAKIN JOKE! NOW, MORE THAN EVER, USC RULES YOUR SAD ASS CONFERENCE. SEC WILL ALWAYS KICK YOUR ASS!!!!!!

Seth said...

Well, Steve, that is very interesting. Why does your link not work? Steve I really must say, you are a psychopath, please get some help.

As a compassionate good spirited Californian, I am gravely concerned for your health. Take a hint Steve, take a hint.

In any event, Steve, you are a good person. Where is your blog though? You don't have one? Or are you just scared to give me the link? Something tells me it is the latter.